Jumpin Jeremy Flies
“Jumpin” Jeremy Jehosefat has raised quite a sensation in the league. With the ability to effect a vertical lift of over 26 feet, he has singlehandedly changed the strategy used in modern day football. Newer techniques by Jeremy’s team the Idaho Strumpets include using hardwood flooring and bowling balls in an attempt to distract the defense, and using Jehosefat’s superior “hang time” to call in the Zamboni ice sweeper and clear the linebackers out before Jeremy comes back down. Other coaches in the league have denounced the Strumpets strategy as unfair and have started their own plans to introduce sinkholes with coal tar pitch into the playing field.